The Proust Questionnaire

featured by buji babiera

What is your idea of perfect happiness?
- Contentment. When you become contented with the good things you already have, you won't have to seek more. You'll be happy, and happiness may just become ALMOST perfect.

What is your greatest fear?
- Fear of being rejected/left out/misunderstood/not understood at all

Which living person do you most admire?
- My boyfriend. He can be so effortlessly friendly and approachable (he's also good in Math and in computers) while with just a word I can make others hate me.

What is the trait you most deplore in others?
- The trait of not thinking that we are responsible for other people (strangers, distant relatives, etc). I mean, why just be good to those close to you???

What is your greatest extravagance?
-Wearing dangling earrings and make up on perfectly ordinary days. Sometimes, material things can make me feel beautiful and accepted.

What is your favorite journey?
- Journey from home to UST and back. This is the only way for me to learn those social skills I should have developed in childhood and high school.

On what occasion do you lie?
- When I don't want my wretched emotions known.

Which living person do you most despise?
- People who just don't think that they are responsible for other people. So ibig sabihin marami akong kagalit: some family members, classmates now and then, friends, neighbors, acquaintances, sometimes even myself.

Which words or phrases do you most overuse?
- Ewan and I don't know. (No, these are the words.)

What is your greatest regret?
- Trusting friends/would-be friends too soon.

Where and when were you the happiest?
- Sometimes with my boyfriend, sometimes when doing silly senti stuffs.

What is your current state of mind?
- I wanna devour the contents of our college books.

If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
- Introversion and wariness. These two hinder me from growing up.

What do you consider your greatest achievement?
- To prove once in a while that I'm no-brainer. (hai, sobrang baba na tingin ko sa sarili ko eh, I'm so clumsy talaga)

If you were to die and comeback as a person or a thing, what would it be?
- A reincarnated me. Aayusin ko buhay ko from DAY ONE (hahaha).

What is your most treasured possession?
- Those few person who still think that I'm part of their lives.

What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?
- Being alone. that feeling sucks the purpose of existence out of one's life.

Where would you like to live?
- On the umblemished places of my country, where I could just be myself.

What is your favorite occupation?
- Well, I wanna be a college prof. I'm not that smart myself, but I have this drive to excel academically and share my knowledge to the future generations. I'll influence them in such a way that if I can't do something to change the future of the country, I'll make sure they will. And if my parents want me to work abroad, I'll be a preschool teacher (in-demand till 2011 ata, haha)

What is your most marked characteristic?
- anatomy: mole on my face (bangaw/ piece of chocolate daw) - other things??? I dunno. Maybe being opinionated, making myself looking strong, and helping my few friends if possible

What is the quality you like most in a man?
- gentleman qualities

Who are your favorite writers?
-JK Rowling, Mitch Albom,Nick Joaquin, yeah...

Who is your favorite hero of fiction?
-Dr. Gregory House. Very masungit (snobbish) eh. But despite his weirdness,I know he does his work to save others

Who are your heroes in real life?
- My parents. Very industrious. See, even now that my father doesn't work anymore, with his bank savings we, remaining 4 children, can still finish college.

What is that you most dislike?
- Many aspects of myself and people who just don't think that they are responsible for other people, dishonesty, infidelity. corruption.

How would you like to die?
- I imagine myself dying coz of an incurable disease. I'll take my last vacation in Bora or in a Caramoan(in Camarines Sur) beach. On a starry night, I'll leave the comfort of the house/hotel or inn room and wander on the shores. I'll do it every night till death seize me.

What is your motto?
- Honestly I don't have a motto. Maybe this principle can be considered as a motto:If I can't change the future, I'll make sure THEY will.

Seemingly Unfazed By My Own Mediocrity

That's what they might have unconsciously perceived of me.

faze n. disturb the composure of
mediocrity n. state of being not good (enough)

One of my problems. Long-time problem. Might be MY GREATEST.
How come?

I spent my middle childhood and adolescence inside the comfort zone of our home.
On that critical/sensitive period, I didn't learn socialization, good interpersonal relationships, group communication and show of emotion PROPERLY. I can't handle being in a peer group. So I truly belong to none of them.

Obviously, I LACK EXPERIENCE.

And even inside the home, I'm like an alien to my siblings. So different from them.
Even more different from my cousins. I'm this homebuddy... a nerd, sometimes a "house helper" (helping Mom do the household chores that I know how to do like sweeping and scrubbing the floor...)

You know what I mean? Well, it's alright that I'm a nerd and a "house-helper" inside the home.
But outside, I don't know who I am. I don't know how I would break the ice. I don't what's in and out in fashion, sports (In HS, I don't know what's UAAP, pathetic.), TV (PBB??? I don't know what makes it tick. Honestly, they're just like spying on the occupants of a house), music (Emo? Pls. define. And what makes someone EMO?), technology (Wow, what's that? It's DOTA. Oh, I'm sorry... Nice iPhone, I don' know how to play Snake with this keypad-less thingy.)...the list is endless.

I'm a nerd. Yes I am. I devour my books. Literally, my fave books are all looking battered. Wrong handling, I suppose. But I don't know the know-how's of this world. I'm just a mediocre person. Worse, I'm already an adult (18)...still I'm terrified when our car halted in the middle of the road inside the tunnel in Ayala. Still, I'm afraid to learn new stuffs...like making adobo or ride a scooter. I'm afraid to date people, even acquaintances. I'm afraid to venture outside our school campus. I have to gain as much experience as what I should have accumulated during those period from Grade4 to Fourth Year HS. And The weird thing is, I have to learn alone. So scary.

Yes, I'm mediocre. But what makes it worst is my expression.
I look aloof. Snob. Thinks highly of myself. Might be my defense mechanism to hide my inferiority.

And honestly, why I do that is because I don't know how to react properly in a particular situation. Not crying in my lola's funeral. Laughing "pilit" though I know myself that something is obviously hilarious. Cracking a corny joke with a frown, imagine that! As if I'm just a robot in human flesh and blood and bones. I look "ewan" at times. Oblivious to what's happening to my environment. Speaking words which hurt. Doing things in a haywire. As if my programs are full of viruses and my CPU is malfunctioning. Not really detectable. My composure is still there. I don't look troubled. Only serious. My problem is seen by others as loss of concentration or selective attention, slow reaction, no reaction, indifference, pride, mediocrity (yes, I finally found the exact word)...

But I'm still human...in another sense. That I'm easily hurt. That I sometimes express myself in exaggerated ways. That I'm inferior to try even the most banal of things. That I need help. That I need people who can see through me. That while others see me with my chin up, I, on the other hand, am looking down on myself.